Bà Nội

It is 4 a.m. and I stir awake to the sound of metal pots gently clanging. Weekends at my grandparents’ house were often characterized by the red glow of an altar, sleepovers with cousins, my grandpa’s delicious cooking and my grandma waking up at the break of dawn to reorganize the kitchen.  

I called my grandma on my dad’s side Bà Nội. And she, in the best way I can describe her, was an anchor in the center of a rambunctious family.  

My grandpa, Ông Nội, took center stage in the family. He planned every family gathering, demanded that his children and grandchildren be present and dictated the menu for each meal. He was loud and funny and clearly adored. His world revolved around family and food and he made that known to all.  

Bà Nội was, in many ways, Ông Nội’s opposite. She was the calm to his whirlwind of energy. The quiet to his boisterous personality. She was steady and present, always giving and never demanding. 

She was never one to dominate a conversation or command the attention of an entire room, but if you sat down with her individually and asked the right questions, she would be ready to tell you her stories. Some of her most memorable stories were the time she let our grandpa copy off her work during their ESL classes or how she loved to learn but did not always have the opportunities to do so.   

I am not sure if Bà Nội ever minded being overshadowed by those around her, but regardless of her quiet nature, she was integral to my upbringing. I think she, out of all my grandparents, showed me how to love the hardest. 

Through her, I learned that love is providing support without asking for anything in return. It is helping others be their best and shine their brightest. It is doing the little things in life like organizing over twenty pairs of shoes at the front door so that no one will trip. It is the affectionate squeeze of an arm and a smile that makes you feel like the most special person in the world.  

Bà Nội may not have been very lucid during the final years of her life, but to me, she will always be remembered as the serene, kind and selfless grandmother that she was.  

Hayley Diep

is the Volunteer Engagement Coordinator at Love For Our Elders. She is also a teacher, author, and outdoor enthusiast.